4.16 The Butler Did It

Charles came strolling into the house with a string of fresh caught fish to fry and was stunned at what he saw.

“Hello!” Ada called as she walked down the stairs. “I want to talk to you!”

Charles grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into the office and out of sight. “Ada!” he hissed. “There’s a guy cooking in our kitchen!”

“I know, silly,” Ada said. “That’s Kirby Hawkins. He’s our butler.”

Charles blinked. “We have a butler?”

Ada beamed. “We do now! I called up the service and hired him yesterday.”

“Why on earth did you think we needed a butler?”

Ada shrugged. “They wear monocles, and monocles are really neat.”

So the Samples had a butler. It took some getting used to, but after a while even Charles had to admit that there were some advantages to having live-in help. Kirby eagerly learned recipes for Charles’s fish, and the house was always filled with the delicious scents of fresh gourmet food. The family had never eaten so well.

Fabian was a little put out, though. He loved to cook, and now there was no reason to.

After a while, though, the leftovers were piling up in the fridge. Kirby began stacking plates on top of plates. Food began to go bad.

“I think we really have enough to eat,” Charles said pointedly when he found Kirby in the kitchen making yet another delicious batch of poached salmon. “There’s water pooling up on the back deck. Would you, um, mind cleaning it up?”

“I’ll do that immediately, sir!” Kirby said, and he meant it. It dropped the platter of salmon on the counter and dashed out the door.

And he scrubbed. And scrubbed. And scrubbed.

The back deck was certainly a lot to clean, and it seemed like no sooner had Kirby made it spotless before the garden sprinklers came on and showered more water on it to mop up.

Kirby took to roaming around the back yard at all hours, muttering about cleaning supplies.

He stopped bothering to put on his suit and monocle, which disappointed Ada to no end.

One morning, Charles woke up to Veronica shaking him. Her face managed to look both delighted and terrified all at once.

“I couldn’t wait to tell you,” she said breathlessly. “I took the test, and it’s positive. We’re going to be parents!”

“Oh, wow,” Charles gasped. “I don’t know what to say. I think I need a drink. Would you like, um, a glass of water.”

Then he froze. “What is HE doing here?”

“Who?” Veronica said.

Charles stared across their bed at Kirby Hawkins.

He looked like he’d been sleeping in the back yard again, and Charles could smell him from across the room.

“What the heck were you doing?” Charles demanded. “Watching us sleep?”

Kirby gave him a twisted smile. “There’s water on the back deck again,” he said. “I have to mop it up.”

“You are one heck of a creepy bastard,” Charles said. “You’re fired! Get off my property or I’ll get you off!”

And that was the end of the Samples’ experiment with live-in help.


Ada got a high-value wish to hire a butler, so I gave one a try. OK, I don’t see the point. He cooked about 4x the food the household actually needed and did very little cleaning, which we really did need. And there’s an interaction to ask the butler to cook, which I never needed to prompt him to do, but not one to ask him to clean!

Once he did do some cleaning, it’s like he never even tried to go back to his bedroom to sleep.

I wish I’d taken more pictures of him cooking, so there would be more photo continuity for the first part. But I had no idea how messed up he was going to get. I did include the closeup, though, because I thought his eyes were awesome.

At least ours didn’t set the house on fire like DragonWife’s. Charles tried to fire him, and it failed, just like it did for her. I had to use the Dismiss option, which worked.

0 thoughts on “4.16 The Butler Did It

  1. I love all these weird experiences with butlers 😀 They make me laugh & being glad that my sims never want one.
    Ada's reason for hiring him is awesome. He wears a monocle. Fabulous!

  2. Butlers are creepy! I have to admit, though, that it makes me feel better that it's not just my butlers. I'm really glad that my current generation hasn't been wanting to hire one.

  3. Do butlers ever work for anyone?? I had one for a family (because of a wish) who also did lots of cooking, or chatting up the maid…actually, everybody was always chatting up that maid, probably because she liked to show up to work in thigh-high boots and Matrix sunglasses. :-/ Anywho, on his day off, he just sort of vanished and never came back. I didn't realize that he'd gone on a permanent vacation until my Sim was wishing to hire a butler (again?! No thanks!)…

    Also….yay for Veronicharles babies!!!

  4. Ah (getting back to this), you had a butler AND a maid? I kind of assumed that for the price, the butler would handle cleaning and cooking. And he did clean occasionally, but he cooked and served three meals a day, which used up about 2/3 of his total day. Each of these dishes had full portions, which means that they were good for a couple of meals in my household. And then sims don't actually NEED to eat three times per day. So food was constantly rotting in the fridge (when I remembered to put it there, because the butler didn't), and the house was rapidly becoming a pit.

    I'll let Fabian cook and go back to hiring a maid :).

  5. Lol! Butler disaster! I don't have too much experience with Butlers, the only one I remember playing was just after LN came out. I used the hottubs as a perfect reason to do a bachelor challenge for my DITFT heir. I think at the time I had the woohooer in my game, too.

    The bachelor had become best friends with the butler (named Eliza). He had gotten one romantic wish for one of the actual candidate girls, but truthfully he spent all of his free time chatting up the butler. So on the second to last day of the challenge he starts flirting with Eliza and gets 3 wishes about her. One of the wishes was to marry her! That was the first time I had gotten a sim with a wish to marry someone they weren't even in a relationship with! I thought it was funny, then the next thing I know they're making out and romantic interests! In the end I still had him get together with the actual winner of the challenge (her name was Dizzy) but after they started officially dating he didn't get a single nice wish for her. So they broke up within two days and I let him marry the butler.

    Your butler sounds terrible and creepy, though! I'm so glad I haven't had any butlers like that! It's good they got rid of him before Veronica has the baby… I can't imagine how he would be with a baby in the house.

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