Lancelot was such an unmemorable elementary schooler that I failed to take many pictures of him. He didn’t say much, and he spent most of his time doing good-boy things like working on his homework. Susie was spending most of her time promoting herself and her band, but Connor always made time for his son.

Lancelot tried in vain to get the attention of Malika Williams at school. When throwing spit balls at her head failed, he managed to get her to come home with him from school once and play. She found his dollhouse and played the whole afternoon, excluding him.

Then, before we knew it, it was Lance’s birthday again. As it turned out, he shared a birthday with Uncle Jared, so they had a joint party.

Lance blew out the candles.

And aged into a teen. He became Brave!

He inherited his mom’s weight, but otherwise is not a bad-looking fellow.

Jared also became a swinging senior.

But here’s where I learned the power of the birthday party compulsion over simple human needs. Unbeknowst to me, Lancelot really needed to pee when I told him to blow out those candles. But he did what I told him to. The party gathered around to cheer him on, and he basked in their adoration while the pressure in his bladder increased. Afterward, instead of going to the bathroom, he went to get a slice of his birthday cake because, hey, that’s what you do after you blow out that candle.

The result of this was that he peed himself while standing in line for cake, standing right in front of Malika!

Utterly humiliated, he got out a mop to cleanup his own mess while everyone complained of the stink. He’d never be able to show his face to Malika again. He was barely a teenager, and his life was over.